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The Daily Irrelevant
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During rush hour this morning, on the city's busy Schuylkill Expressway, Philadelphia police stopped fifteen motorists and cited them under Philadelphia's new, controversial "stupid driver" ordinance. |
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Joe Sixpack, whose name is frequently used to represent an average guy, is retiring at the end of July. "After that, they're just gonna hafta use someone else's name," Sixpack said, grinning, "'less they wanna pay me royalties or somethin'." |
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Police, responding to neighbors' reports of disturbing sounds from televangelist Gerard Tripwell's home, found his garage door open and the door to his home ajar. Upon entering, police encountered Tripwell and a young woman having sex on the kitchen table. The woman has been identified as Tripwell's secretary. Tripwell is married, but his wife, Trudy, had left an hour earlier to catch a plane to Little Rock, Arkansas, to visit her dying father. |
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News Bites
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Repeatedly attacked by a small, but persistent, neighborhood Chihuahua name Juan, jogger John "Choppers" McNabb finally got fed up and took action: He bit Juan back. Now Juan's owners are suing McNabb for veterinary bills. McNabb has countersued, seeking to recover the costs of treatment for multiple bite wounds. |
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While stepping off Air Force One, the President tripped, fell onto the tarmac, and bruised his right pinky. ... |
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Simple News Summaries
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